You Failed Me, I Won't Fail Him
by Zuzivlas
Summary: Dis is in an arranged marriage with a less than savory character and it affects Fili's early life greatly. Warnings: includes wife abuse and child abuse. Probably more movie!verse but should be neutral enough. Written for the kink meme.


A/N The anon prompt from kink meme:

_Dis is in an arranged marriage with a less than savory character with details of Fili's early life. Maybe the other dwarves don't realize how badly Dis and Fili are being treated until Kili is born. Fili can't stand to see his brother mistreated, so the truth is revealed when protective!Fili comes out and is possibly injured badly in the process. I'd especially love to see Thorin's reaction and protective side when it comes to his nephews. _

I decided to make this in the form of drabbles, 30 of them, each one is 100 words precisely. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for making this and that the moment Kili finds it, you'll never see me again but hurt!Fili is a weakness of mine...

Disclaimer: I make no claim on any of the characters or places used in this work of fiction, everything belongs to Tolkien and his family a/o the film studio(s) owning the rights. I make no money off of this, nor do I ever plan to make this more than a harmless pastime.

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She understands her duty. After all that had been lost, their kingdom, their home, their family, their brother, it is necessary to ensure the continuation of their bloodline and since Thorin will never be able to fulfil that duty with all the others that had fallen upon his shoulders, it's up to her. She doesn't mind much really, having children is something she had always wanted. The problem is that she is to be wed to a dwarf not of her heart's choosing, as a matter of fact, she barely knows him. War hero they call him. It's not enough.

As days pass, Dis slowly realizes that she doesn't like him very much. Warrior he might be but a dutiful and caring husband he is not. He is brutish and volatile off the battlefield as much as on it and what others praise as a strong character she is starting to despise. He doesn't see her as a princess, doesn't see her as someone to be cherished. As time goes on, she can't help but realize that to him, she is only a means to an end. But it's for the greater good and Thorin has enough to worry about.

He isn't violent really, at least that's what she tells herself when her husband returns late at night reeking of strong ale, tumbles into their bed and kisses her as he holds her down. There's no foreplay, no tender exploring of each other's body, he just turns her around onto her hands and knees and enters her swiftly, rutting for a short time before he fills her with his seed with a victorious roar and promptly falls asleep. She ignores the fact that she had to hold onto the wall not to knock her head into it, ignores the bruises.

The times he comes to their bed without the help of ale are few and far between though there's not much difference. If anything, he is even less considerate as he mounts her repeatedly mumbling about the strength of his seed and how powerful their children are going to be. The bruises on her arms and hips are more common now though she makes sure to hide them from prying eyes; it is nothing she cannot take and there's no reason to make others worry about it. Thorin visits her occasionally but she doesn't have the heart to tell him.

It's been a few months now since their wedding and so far, she had been unable to become with child. The healers tell her that it's not too surprising considering the stress she had gone through with all that had happened to their people but he is less understanding. Occasionally, when she tries to explain the reasons, he slaps her across her face and storms off, returning legless and taking her harshly all the while promising that he will get her pregnant, no matter how much she fights it. He blames it all on her but he doesn't stop trying.

The day she finds out that she had managed to get pregnant after all is an emotional turmoil to say the least. She is happy that new life, new hope for her people, is growing inside of her. She is happy to see the worry lines smooth out on her brother's face for once and a little spark return to those haunted eyes. And in the smallest corner of her heart, she dares to hope that maybe now her husband will change for the better, they were to raise a child, his child after all. How wrong she had been.

The pregnancy is not easy. Life had been hard for the dwarves ever since they had lost their home and it had taken a toll on her body which now had to provide for two; it didn't help that her husband hadn't really changed much since the good news. Bruises still blossomed on her skin even if she was extra careful not to agitate him in any way now that she wasn't taking care of just herself. His demands didn't lessen as she had hoped they would and she was stuck with too many duties that would wear her out.

The good thing about being pregnant was that Thorin would visit much more often, bringing Dwalin and Balin with him occasionally to help her out with anything she needed and to keep her company. Her husband didn't dare harm her too much when he knew that the marks could be found at any moment and although he wasn't loving, Dis had felt happier than in a long time, chuckling to herself as the men began whittling toys for the child even though he or she wouldn't be able to play with them for many more months. Life was becoming better.

As her due date drew closer, Thorin practically moved in with them, much to her husband's chagrin. As it turned out, her brother was a massive mother hen and he coddled his little sister to the point of exasperation until a hormone driven Dis gave him such a talking to he hadn't gotten since he was a little princeling who managed to blow half of the Erebor kitchens. Subduing, much to Balin's and Dwalin's mirth, Thorin still hovered close by in case Dis needed him. Taking pity on her brother, she allowed him to feel the baby's kicking as truce.

The day when Fili's first cries could be heard through Ered Luin was one of joy for all of their people. The baby was healthy and his cries loud enough to proclaim his Durin lineage, the little tuft of blond hair on top of his head a sign from the Valar that the future would be bright. The moment she handed Thorin the sleeping bundle that was his nephew, she knew that uncle would give his life for this precious treasure. Fili would be loved and cherished by all, that much was clear when she looked at Balin and Dwalin.

How bittersweet the memories of that day are as she watches the quiet child her son had become. The wisdom in his eyes that Thorin and the others praised was not a predisposition, it was a hard learned lesson, one no child should ever have to learn. One that Kili, the younger brother, would never have to learn, Fili made sure of that. Her sweet sweet Fili, always sacrificing himself for those he loves, always putting them first. The parallels between him and her are too depressing to think about, she will never forgive herself for her failure, never forget.

He husband hadn't changed even after the birth as she had hoped, at least not with her. Thorin stayed a while longer but duty called and as much as he wanted to be with his little nephew, their people needed him and he had to leave. Dis bore the brute of her husband's revenge and hid her bruises and limp from everybody under the guise of post birth fatigue. At least, it looked like he might love their son if nothing else, after all the baby had his hair and eyes and all the strength of a healthy dwarf. Wrong.

Fili had never once come to her with tears streaming down his face and brokenly asking why papa doesn't love him. She was stupid enough to believe that he didn't because there was no reason for him to instead of him not wanting to hurt her and fearing she would hate him too. He had been an active child and bright, the bruises on his arms and legs and torso quickly and easily excused as clumsiness or lack of attention when the adults asked. They all believed him without a hint of doubt, even her. She should have known better.

Fili could be persuasive if he wanted to be and when it came to all the atrocities the others later found out his father had put him through, he was willing to sacrifice his soul to hide them. The time Fili came home soaked to the bone and freezing? He told them he had slipped and fallen into the pond and father had to fish him out. Nobody suspected that the adult could have thrown his own son in and held him under the surface until Fili felt the calm of near drowning to punish him for an innocent remark.

The first time Fili struggled out of his mother's tight hold? He claimed to be old enough to not be cuddled anymore making Thorin and his faithful dwarves laugh at such a typically boyish act, all of them remembering when they had done the same. None of them had noticed the look of pain that crossed the youngster's face as his bruised ribs were agitated, none but his father who laughed the loudest and dared him to say a word with his crazy eyes. Fili bit the inside of his cheek not to moan and acted out his role perfectly.

When Fili refused to take a bath with anybody else than his father, the others sighed in exasperation and let him have his way, it was easier than to fight the struggling child which was surprisingly fast and strong for his age when anybody else tried to strip his clothes. His father closed the door behind them and smiled maliciously as the black and blue torso was revealed, emphasising once more that Fili didn't want anybody to find out about their little secret. He then drowsed the child in burning water he purposefully didn't mix with the prepared cold one.

The time Thorin, Balin and Dwalin took him on a trip and made the pony go faster by cracking a whip? Fili jumped as high as his uncle making the adults laugh, the fright in his eyes simply written off as startlement. He did ask them not to use it on the pony again because the animal didn't deserve the pain, making Thorin smile at him fondly as he explained that the pony hasn't really been touched, merely that the sound was used to achieve their goal. Fili nodded in relief, he knew all too well the pain of whipping.

The day when Fili had been allowed to visit Thorin in his forge was as exciting for the nephew as for the uncle. However, when Thorin showed off all of the different instruments used in his work, Fili watched with big frightened eyes and huddled even closer to his uncle. Writing it off as Fili being a child with vivid imagination, Thorin put the thongs and poker away and reassured his nephew that he was safe with him. He didn't know how empty his promise was as Fili remembered the pain those instruments could inflict right under Thorin's very nose.

Dwalin had laughed heartily as Fili timidly asked Dis if he could get a double portion for supper and some extra bread. The adults joked about Fili having an overly healthy appetite as his mother complied, lovingly ruffling his hair as Fili practically wolfed all the food down. They didn't know that his father would often refuse to feed him, throwing his portion away while Dis wasn't looking and chuckling maliciously as he put Fili to bed and his empty tummy rumbled. He was away for a few days now and Fili had to use the opportunity to eat up.

The moment Dis proudly announced that she was pregnant again had been a nightmare for Fili. Not because he didn't want a brother or a sister, quite the contrary, but because he couldn't stomach the thought of his sibling having to face father's beatings and torture like he did. The vile dwarf in question spent even more time with Fili now that he couldn't get away with much with his wife and the multiplying bruises were becoming harder to explain. However Fili did his best to remain his father's sole focus for whenever he was hurt, his sibling was safe.

Two of Fili's bones were broken during Dis' pregnancy, both very much caused by his father even if Fili came up with excuses. Actually, the first broken bone, his left arm, had been easy to explain as an accident. Fili simply claimed that he had disobeyed the order to stay inside and that his father couldn't have seen his arm holding the door ajar when he slammed it shut. His broken leg was trickier but it was raining outside and the path was slippery, there was no way for his father to stop Fili's fall. But suspicion began to rise.

Thorin did keep a much closer eye on his clearly accident prone nephew and his father was seething. Fili had a really bad feeling about it and worried that the moment the child was born, it would bear his father's untamed anger. He wasn't too far from the truth. His mother was sleeping soundly, exhausted after the difficult birth, his uncle and the other dwarves celebrating a new Durin descendant. His father was creeping closer to his baby brother and the look in his eyes was pure madness. Making up his mind, Fili ran to Thorin begging for his help.

The adults were too drunk to understand him and too merry to take the child's frantic pleas for help seriously. Abandoning the dwarves that had never kept him safe and clearly wouldn't do it for his brother either, Fili ran back home praying that he wasn't too late. When he got there, his father and his brother were nowhere to be seen and running around in panic, Fili kept looking for the baby that was his charge the moment it came into the world. When he found them, standing at the edge of a steep rocky hill, Fili's heart froze.

When he finally saw his father's face, Fili staggered at the picture of pure malicious madness etched onto the features. Within seconds, Fili understood all too well what his intentions were. Letting go of his son, the dwarf laughed insanely waiting to hear the sound of bones crushing as the baby fell to its doom. The unmistakable sound did fill the air although it wasn't made by Kili. Hurling himself at his falling brother, Fili caught him just in time and curling around the precious bundle, he protected his brother with his own body as they rolled down the rocks.

Thorin stood frozen nearby in terror; he did run after his nephew when he saw him leave the house to check that everything was indeed fine. Clearly nothing was fine as the truth unravelled before his eyes. His sister's husband had been taken over by insanity and attempted to murder his younger son. Once silence settled after his nephews disappeared from view, Thorin unfroze and called for the other dwarves; everything happened in a blur. The maniac had been bound and put into prison, a rescue team led by Thorin running down the hill to the boys with healers ready.

Kili, for the most part, was unharmed. The same couldn't be said for Fili. There wasn't a spot on his body that hadn't been bruised, cut or broken and for several days it wasn't clear whether the boy would make it or not. Dis had spilled everything about her own abuse to Thorin although both could only listen in horror as her former husband told them about what he had done to Fili with a sadistic smile upon his face. They were nauseated as they realized how blind they had been, how often they had laughed when Fili was suffering.

The day Fili finally woke up had been joyous albeit guilt ridden. Every single one of the dwarves in his life had been there and done nothing, not even bothering to look at the signs. Fili, for his part, didn't care much for their excuses and tear filled eyes, he only cared about one thing. The first word on his lips upon waking was "Kili" and he didn't rest until he had been reassured that his brother was indeed safe and unharmed, all thanks to him. When Dis brought the gurgling baby to visit his brother, Fili finally fell asleep.

Thorin became even more withdrawn, he had failed so many dwarves in his life but none as badly as his own heir, none as badly as little sweet Fili who had been robbed of his innocence before it could ever blossom. He had vowed that he wouldn't repeat his mistakes and whether Kili knew about it or not, he had been the single most protected dwarfling of their people. But it didn't matter how many guards Thorin had close, how many of his loyal dwarves entered the life of the youngest Durin, his greatest protector remained Fili, forever and always.

Years had passed since the incident; Kili had never really been told what had happened by any of the adults though how much his brother had revealed remained unclear. Kili definitely knew something because certain scars could never be hidden or forgotten and if there was one thing Fili hated, it was lying to his brother. The fact that he knew was also clear whenever Kili rose to the occasion and saved his usual protector, be it from orcs, rowdy drunks, giggling girls, raging uncle, pissed off mother, jealous dwarves, overly chatty hobbits, hungry trolls, drooling wargs or malicious goblins.

But, Fili was always there for his brother, always a shield when Kili needed one and no matter how much time had elapsed, no matter how nice their lives had been ever since, Fili couldn't ever forget, even if he did forgive. And so, Thorin hid the pain in his eyes when elves descended upon them and Fili pushed him away to stand before Kili himself. Yes, Thorin would give his own life for them, they knew that, but Fili's message was loud and clear. 'You may protect him but you will never be as good at it as me'.


End file.
